Giving In
by MorganLeFay33
Summary: "I am sorry, darling, but it's all too obvious how you feel about my cousin." AU and OC. Rated M - I'm warning you!
1. Chapter 1

**Giving In**

_This story is going to progress based on feedback from readers. YOU effectively control what happens, so let me know what you think. All characters are property of Julian Fellowes (and Henry James - see chapter 4), but Marie is all mine!_

**Chapter 1: The Arrival**

Sarah didn't know what to make of her. Everyone had developed an opinion of her as soon as she had arrived at Downton, for Cora's American cousin was odd. Marie Levinson was unmarried, she was a solo world traveler, and she was a self-proclaimed anthropologist. No woman did those things, and it all seemed outrageous to the staff at Downton. Excited whispered rumors and sniggers floated across the kitchens and servants' hall, each more ridiculous than the first. Sarah had noticed that, from the looks of it, Marie's presence was just as much of a novelty to the family. Marie had not visited before, and she had not seen Cora in years. She was stopping by as she made her way from South America to Africa. Of course, she had not brought a single servant with her.

Her arrival had been as unorthodox as she was. She dressed like the rest of them upstairs, but she was extremely tall and voluptuous, and there was something untamed and absent-minded about the way her frizzy blonde curls popped out of her chignon and the way her glasses continually fell from the very tip of her nose to the swinging chain around her neck. To Carson's shocked dismay, she had unceremoniously jumped to the back of the car and picked up her trunk, dragging it forward as if she was about to join the downstairs lot. She had a low, slightly nasal voice that occasionally erupted into piercing, critical laughter. She also had no concern for Cora's personal boundaries.

For three days straight, Marie had entered Cora's rooms without knocking, sat herself down on the bed, and talked with Cora as Sarah dressed and undressed her - talked as if they were gossiping schoolgirls. It was preposterous behavior, but Cora didn't seem to mind. Sarah minded. When Marie was there, Sarah could not gaze surreptitiously at Cora's long, alabaster neck through the mirror. She could not allow her eyes or hands to linger on Cora's slender back as she laced her corset from behind. She could not run her fingers through Cora's silken hair without revealing that she was purposefully taking too long to finish styling it. Now Sarah had an audience, and Marie's sharp gaze bothered her.

The conversations were compelling though, for Marie had endless stories to tell about her travels and managed to make Cora laugh more than Sarah had ever known she could. Controversy followed Marie wherever she went for those first three days, from her instructive talks with Lady Edith and Lady Sybil about the importance of education to her debates with Lord Grantham over politics. Sarah noticed that she never saw Marie without a book in hand, and never the same book twice. Bleedin' hell, the woman must have started and finished a new one every day.

Marie hadn't said a single word to Sarah in the time that she had been at Downton, but now here she was at midnight, standing at the foot of the stairs leading to the servants' hall. Sarah, as usual, was the last one awake downstairs. She enjoyed the quiet of the hall at night, when she could get her mending done and concoct her schemes for the next day over one last cigarette. Mrs. Hughes didn't mind, for Sarah was far from a rebellious housemaid.

Marie placed her hand expectantly on her hip, cocking her head to one side and demanding, "So? Where can a girl go to have a good smoke around here? I'm told that you'd know."

Sarah sat stunned for a moment, her ladyship's undergarments still in her hand with the needle halfway through the delicate lace.

"Well?"

Sarah blinked and stood up slowly, confounded by the situation but also glowering at Marie for interrupting one of her precious few moments of solitude.

Within minutes they stood side-by-side out by the back sheds, smoking in silence and looking out at the dark expanse of sky. Sarah still couldn't believe that any of this was happening.

"You're different. From the rest of them upstairs," Sarah noted brusquely.

Marie laughed sarcastically and, taking another puff of her cigarette, replied, "What was your first clue?"

Sarah didn't respond. They remained silent for another moment until Marie said, "You're different as well, you know."

"From what?"

"From your counterparts downstairs. You're smarter than they are."

Sarah tried to maintain her blank stare ahead. "Don't see how you could know that."

Marie continued to take steady drags of her cigarette, never turning to look at Sarah. "I can just tell. You don't talk much. You listen instead. I'll bet that you know every detail of everyone's personal business around here - more than you would ever admit to knowing. You should really be doing something more intellectually engaging. So why would someone like you choose to be working here?"

"With all due respect, Miss Levinson, you seem to think pretty opportunities drop from the clouds for people like me. Some of us don't have a choice." Maybe it was dangerous to be so direct, but Sarah was merely throwing back what had already been thrown at her.

"Forgive me. You're right. I regrettably often forget about the lack of social mobility that continues to plague our society. The Crawleys are a symptom of the disease." What rubbish was this woman speaking? Sarah didn't have time for more political discussions. Tom Branson already gave her enough of a headache, with his bloody preaching.

"Have you ever been married?" - another bold question that Sarah was not surprised to receive from this bold person.

"No."

"I haven't either. I realized early on that I could never marry a man because I was more in love with something else- the pursuit of knowledge." She had said it in an over-emphasized, half-joking way, but it was still the truth.

Sarah resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"But you, Miss O'Brien, _you_ could never marry a man because you are more in love with _someone _else. Am I correct in this?"

It took a minute for Sarah to realize what she was implying. It was a good thing that it was dark outside, because her face had gone completely ashen. She froze and turned slowly toward Marie, cigarette still in hand, and was horrified to see the knowing smile plastered across her face.

"I am sorry, darling, but it's all too obvious how you feel about my cousin. Don't worry – not everyone sees it. I've noticed though, because I'm trained to observe human behavior…and I have some experience with this. You're not the first lady's maid to fall in love with her mistress."

Sarah shot her face straight ahead again, taking a nervous puff of her cigarette and feeling her hands begin to shake. "I don't know what kind of filth you've been exposed to in South America, but you'll not find any of it here. I'm not your scientific experiment," she replied coldly.

Marie acted as if she had not heard her and kept smiling as she smoked. "She used to be different, you know. The old Cora would have noticed."

Sarah remained quiet.

Marie sighed and continued in a nostalgic tone, "She and I were quite the pair in our younger days…got into all kinds of trouble together. Aunt Martha couldn't keep us down, not that she really cared what we did. We'd go to the fair every Saturday in New York, leaving in the morning and not returning until the night. Didn't matter if there were guests in the house. We went every week. And every week, we'd get different boys to buy our supper and drinks. You see, I was the brains of the operation. I'd finagle the boys into asking us, driving them into a corner until they couldn't' come up with an excuse otherwise. But of course, Cora was the beauty that made it all possible. All she had to do was flutter her eyelashes and pout her lips, and men became her prisoners. Sound familiar?" Marie giggled and smirked.

Sarah still did not speak, but felt her heart constrict in her throat. It did sound all too familiar.

"Anyway, the old Cora would have at least noticed how you feel about her. I don't know what she would have done about it, but she would have at least been aware of it by now. She's changed since she came here. Now she's concerned more about what dress she'll wear for lunch than about the life she is sadly forgetting to live."

Sarah dropped her cigarette butt on the ground and put it out with her heel. "I'm going back in." She turned to leave, but Marie grasped her forearm gently.

"Miss O'Brien, I need you to know that I am serious about this. You care more for Cora than her husband ever has, and I _know _I'm not the only one here who can see _that_. You make her feel happy and secure, I can tell. And I think she may not realize it herself, but there is a spark there – a miniscule flash of light that enters her eyes when she sees you. I want to help you. I really do. And I know how difficult it can be to keep a part of yourself hidden from others, maybe because you're ashamed of it? I don't know enough about you to understand that, but what I do understand is that everyone needs someone to talk to, and I'm here. You can come to my room any time of the day or night for the rest of the week while I'm here if you want to be the one to talk for a change. I'll be the one to listen."

Sarah snorted contemptuously. "Miss Levinson, I think it's best that you go to bed."

As she walked back inside, she heard Marie say, with the same steady voice she had maintained throughout their conversation, "Miss O'Brien, Sarah, it can be a poison to keep things bottled up inside of yourself. Most people in this world don't understand women like you. If you're going to talk to someone, talk to me. I have nothing to gain from betraying your confidence. I just want to help, because I want to see you happy and I want to see my cousin regain some of the warmth that she has lost here in this cold, stiff place."

Sarah didn't turn around to acknowledge her. She headed straight to her room, prepared herself for bed, and climbed underneath her bedcovers. It was only then, in the safety of the shadowy night, that the tears began to flow from her eyes and she buried her face so deeply within the mattress that she almost suffocated herself. Today, she had been stripped of something. She had lost the secrecy of her secret, and tomorrow morning, it would pop up in front of her, revealing its ugliness and leading one step ahead of her in all she did. No, she would not be visiting Marie Levinson's room tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

_Now you will understand why this story could go in any number of directions...hope you like it! xoxo_

**Chapter 2: The Confession**

Sarah looked like hell. She had slept for a mere two hours. She had tried to splash water on her face, to drink two cups of tea instead of the usual single one, but none of it had worked.

When she arrived in Cora's room with her breakfast tray, she watched as her lady sat up in bed, stretching her hands into the air like a kitten and yawning with an adorable crinkle of her nose. Some of Cora's hair had come loose from last night's plait – one of Sarah's favorite sights. She often made loose plaits for Cora on purpose, just so that she could see her mussed up hair framing her sleepy smile in the morning. Sarah liked that. She knew that she should have tried to put such thoughts out of her mind, but when she was alone with Cora, she felt entirely at ease.

This did not change her own puffy face, however, and Cora noticed. "Goodness, O'Brien! You look awful! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…I didn't mean to say that, well _that_. You never look _awful_. I just meant that you don't look well."

Sarah nearly laughed at Cora's sweet, apologetic stumbling. "M'Lady, it's all right. I just didn't sleep much last night."

Cora furrowed her brow in concern. "Why ever not? If you're ill, O'Brien, I refuse to let you do anything but go back to bed this instant."

"I'm not ill, M'Lady. I don't know why I didn't sleep well, but I'm fine now," Sarah lied.

"Oh good," Cora smiled kindly. "We can't have anything happening to you, can we? Who else could I possibly greet every morning?" Sarah wished she wouldn't say such things. It only made it harder for her.

When she returned later to dress Cora, she was relieved to see that Marie wasn't present. It was a beautiful spring day, with a bit of sun peeking out from behind the curtains.

As Sarah buttoned Cora's dress, she heard her say, "Oh, would you look at the way the flowers are growing, O'Brien. It's so lovely now that spring is here. I'll have to go for a walk today across the grounds."

"Certainly, M'Lady." There was a comfortable silence in the room that made Sarah feel drowsy in the happiest of ways. She could hear the birds chirping gently through the window.

"Since I was a child, I've always thought - as ridiculous as it sounds - that it would be nice to be a gardener. It would be nice to grow things with my own hands, herbs perhaps." She giggled and continued, "Isn't that silly? Me, in a garden. I wouldn't know the first thing to do."

Sarah couldn't help but feel a smile begin to form in the corner of her mouth at the thought of Cora, knee-deep in the soil, shrieking at the sight of spiders and worms in her shovel.

"It's never too late to learn, M'Lady. I suspect Lady Sybil would be adventurous enough to try it with you. Maybe you could start with something simple – some potted plants?"

"You're right, O'Brien. You always have the best ideas."

Sarah wished she could stay here forever, threading her fingers through Cora's dark hair and talking about gardens in the sun-streaked morning light. When she stuck the last pin into Cora's hair, she turned to her and asked, "Will that be all, M'Lady?"

Cora lifted her shining blue eyes to her, which sparkled even more than usual in this gentle sunlight. "Yes, O'Brien. That will be all."

Sarah nodded her head, but Cora continued, "I hope that you really are well, and…" she stopped speaking and took one of Sarah's hands into her own. "O'Brien, if there_ is_ something wrong, I do wish that you'd tell me. After all you've done for me, I would hate to think that I couldn't help you if you needed it."

Sarah was lost. She was swimming in those eyes and thinking of nothing but the melodious sound of Cora's voice. Then, she looked down at their joined hands, and Sarah felt her stomach lurch. It was strange, she thought, how such a gesture would be nearly unnoticeable when coming from anyone else. She could feel the soft skin of Cora's palms and her long fingers, and her own hands began to perspire…

Suddenly, a loud knock echoed from behind the closed door, and Sarah jumped. Cora quickly released her hand and called,

"Yes?"

"Me!"

Marie. "Yes, of course. Come in."

Sarah couldn't bear to look Marie in the eye and started to back away from Cora's vanity as fast as she could. She felt a thump behind her, followed by a loud crash. She had knocked one of Cora's jewelry boxes (and a few other less valuable possessions) off of her dresser. Luckily, nothing had broken, and she scrambled to pick it all up, repeatedly apologizing to her lady.

"O'Brien, there's no need. It is fine. Are you okay?" Cora seemed worried and, as was to be expected, not a pinch angry about the accident.

Sarah felt like a clumsy, blundering fool. Her face was surely red by this point, and she wanted nothing more than to leave and pretend nothing had happened. As she hurried out of the room, she caught one glimpse of Marie's face. She looked at Sarah with slightly detached, well-meaning observation. Nothing at all would indicate the talk they had shared the night before, and it felt strangely chilling to Sarah. Once Sarah had exited down the hallway, she realized that there would be no further pursuit from Marie. She had made her offer, and Sarah was free to take it or refuse it.

It drove Sarah crazy. She thought of nothing else all day. That night, as she lay awake once again, she began to feel herself losing control. She was impatient and anxious, and she knew that she inevitably would end up precisely where she had sworn she would never go.

When Marie opened the door to her room, Sarah immediately lost all composure and began to weep. Marie took Sarah into a firm embrace, murmuring, "My darling girl, you cry as long as you need to."

Sarah didn't know how long she stood there, her face burrowed in Marie's neck and her entire body overtaken by wracking sobs. When they finally broke apart, she noticed that Marie's hair was down. Short, frizzy, blonde curls spiraled wildly around her face – a sight Sarah had not expected to see. She herself had crept up to the first floor of the house in the middle of the night in her dressing gown, sure that she would have been in serious trouble if she'd been caught. The two of them must have looked like a bizarre duo.

"Come, let's sit." Marie motioned toward her bed and Sarah sat down beside her on the edge.

"How can you know everything, like you do?" Sarah sniffed.

Marie placed a sympathetic hand on Sarah's back. "I could just see it, Sarah. May I call you Sarah? You should call me Marie. Besides, I don't know everything, not really. That's why we're talking now. You start. How old were you when you first figured it out?"

"Figured what out?"

"That you loved women in the same way that you were supposed to love men."

Sarah knew. She knew very clearly, but she hadn't told a single soul in her life until now. "Fifteen. I…"

"It's okay. No need to tell me about it," Marie interrupted. "And have you ever…acted on those feelings?"

"Never." Sarah replied quickly and firmly.

"I see. And Cora? I presume it's Cora now?"

Sarah hung her head, feeling herself blushing. "Of course."

"How long?"

"Since the day I met her."

Sarah looked back up at Marie, tears still staining her cheeks. Marie seemed mildly surprised, obviously having underestimated the depth of Sarah's desire.

"Christ. All right, go on. Tell me the great Anglo-American love story." Seeing Sarah's startled face, she smiled and urged, "Go on, then."

Sarah slowly began to tell her about the way she had felt when she had first met Cora, and before she had the chance to stop herself, over a decade of memories and angst had poured out of her. She had even told Marie about the paralyzing fear that had gripped her when she had thought she was to be replaced, the sickening guilt that had followed her after she had hurt the one she loved most, and her unsuccessful attempts to confess to her lady. She should have been more wary of openly admitting to such a thing, but she didn't care anymore.

After she had finished speaking, Marie sat in stunned silence for a moment. "You've done a terrible thing."

"I'm not worthy of being loved," Sarah said in a small, hollow voice. "I deserve nothing. Now you see why."

"I said that you've done a terrible thing, Sarah, but you're not a terrible person. We've all done things we regret. I have. I know that Cora has, but I'll spare you those anecdotes, since they're far from applicable here."

Sarah stared at her and hiccupped, "What?"

Marie chuckled and said, "The first thing I want you to do is forgive yourself and accept yourself. I know that it's going to be difficult, but you need to do that. The time will come when it will be right to tell Cora the truth. You're an intelligent lady – you know that time is not now. Not yet. To start, I need you to know that there is nothing wrong with loving women the way you do – nothing. _Please_, promise me that you'll take it from someone who purposefully surrounds herself with leading scholars and artists who are dealing with this subject right now. There is nothing wrong with it. It's natural, and you wouldn't believe how many women feel the same. It's going to take time for our society to accept it."

"There's no way in hell I'll be swallowing that lie," Sarah said defiantly, unconvinced that it could ever be true.

Marie laughed. "I thought you might say that, so it's a good thing that I picked these up today." She stood up for a moment and rummaged around in her trunk. She pulled out three books and handed them to Sarah. "In case you haven't already noticed, I am a devoted follower of books," she said with a wink. "These two have only just been written within the last few years, and they're not easy to find. They've been printed independently for the time being, but some circles have been passing them around. They cover the science of it. I think you'll find them convincing. This last one, this is more relevant to…matters of the heart, I'd say. And your respectable Lord Grantham had this one in his library, right under his nose!"

Sarah managed a shaky smile, already feeling better. She had made the right decision in coming here.

"This is a book of poetry by Sappho, a poet from Ancient Greece. I think you'll like what she has to say."

Sarah took all three books, oddly comforted by their weight in her arms. She had something to tackle all of this with, even if it was contained within small bits of leather binding.

"That's the first thing I want you to do. Now, let's talk about Cora. As I said before, I do think your feelings might be reciprocated, and wouldn't that be wonderful. We're going to find out in the four days that I have left. I have a proposition for you."

"What?"

"Sarah, do you know how to play charades?"

"Everyone knows how to play charades," she grumbled.

"Right. Good. We're going to play a game of…charades…with Cora. We're going to lead her to her own conclusions about how she feels by dropping hints. My understanding is that she probably hasn't thought to think of you in that way before. Do you see what I'm saying?"

Sarah nodded sincerely.

"I will take charge of this, and I promise your feelings will never be revealed unless you want them to. All you will have to do is take Cora's side in everything she says and does. I want her to perceive the two of you as being united against everyone else. Do you follow?"

"Yes, you don't need to keep asking me. I _can _speak English."

Marie, as usual, ignored Sarah's sarcastic comment and continued. "By the time the four days have ended, she will either make her feelings known to you or not."

"And if she doesn't want me?" Sarah asked miserably.

"Don't be so glum yet. You haven't gotten her answer!" Marie chided her.

"But if she doesn't?"

"Well," Marie seemed hesitant to continue. "There _is_ another option for you, but I don't know if you'll like it."

"What?"

"Sarah, Miss O'Brien, I could very much benefit from the help of a research assistant."

Sarah's eyes grew wide as she tried to process the information. "What are you saying?" she asked slowly.

Marie sighed. "I'm saying that not everything works out for everyone. And if it doesn't in this case, I really think you should put that mind of yours to work. I need someone to help me. I would pay you much better than you are paid here, you would get to see the world, and you'd be my colleague rather than my servant. You deserve that at least."

Sarah's mouth stood agape. She had not expected this. "I…"

"Don't answer me just yet. Just promise me that you'll think about it. You deserve a change, but I don't yet know what kind of change that is."

"Thank you."

Marie broke into another wide grin. "You're welcome. See? This wasn't awful. But it's been a long day for both of us, and you have a lot to think about now. Shall we continue to talk tomorrow night?"

They agreed to meet the next night in the same place at the same time. After Sarah had bid Marie good night, she sat in her own room in a daze. She wanted desperately to begin reading the books. That was something she could manage. She knew that she should try to sleep, but one more hour couldn't hurt. If this so-called game of charades was to start tomorrow, she would need to prepare herself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Learning The Game**

Sarah spotted Marie on the stairs the next morning while carrying Cora's breakfast up. She was amused to see Marie so engrossed in the newspaper she was reading that she wasn't even looking at the stairs as she descended. She had about six more papers underneath the other arm as well (Sarah remembered her complaining to Cora that the papers delivered to Downton "only tell half the story," so she bought her own). When Marie passed by, she raised one eyebrow mischievously and whispered, "Let the games begin!" before continuing down the stairs.

Sarah should have known there had been a spy listening. Later that morning, during her smoke break with Thomas, he remarked in a slithery voice, "I hear there are games afoot, and the revered Professor Levinson is presiding over the ceremonies."

Sarah looked straight at him sternly and replied, "And it'll do you a fat lot of good to keep your nose out. If you go poking around, you'll find you don't like the rules or the objective. You'll wish you didn't know, so leave it be."

Had anyone else told him such a thing, Thomas would have pressed further, but he trusted – and feared – Sarah O'Brien.

The day was uneventful until she went up in the early afternoon to dress Cora for dinner. When she went into the room, she found Marie already talking animatedly with Cora.

"I don't understand the point of it all! What a waste of time to have to change seven hundred times a day. We must squander endless days in the time we spend changing our clothes. Imagine all you could do with those lost hours!" Marie exclaimed.

Cora turned in her chair, noticing Sarah's entry. "Good afternoon, O'Brien," she said with a pretty tilt of her head.

"Good afternoon, M'Lady." She pulled a dress out of the closet. "Would you like to wear this lilac one today?"

"Yes, please," Cora replied. She stood up and turned her back to Sarah, still conversing with Marie as Sarah undid the clasps on the back of her morning dress.

"It is _not _a waste of time, dear cousin. What is the point of having lovely things if you can't try them all out?" Cora pouted. "Besides, if I didn't have to change like this, I wouldn't have the privilege of knowing such a friend as O'Brien." She twisted her head and peered over her shoulder at Sarah coquettishly.

Sarah gulped and tried to give Cora a nonchalant smile in return, but it was difficult to concentrate with those deep blue eyes staring into her own.

"Besides," Cora added as she turned back toward Marie, "I'm surprised that you can manage yourself, with all of the changing and no one to help you."

Marie snorted in laughter. "Darling, you _are _aware that most of the world dresses themselves, right? Good Lord, how do you think your own lady's maid removes _her_ clothing at night? A magic spell?"

So the charade was beginning, right then and there. Sarah braced herself, ready to play. It might have been easier if her hands weren't beginning to tremble. She couldn't tell whether she felt fear or excitement growing – perhaps both.

Then, something interesting happened. Cora became flustered. "Well," she said quickly in a slightly bothered tone, "I certainly don't spend time thinking about those things, but I suppose you're right."

Sarah decided that it was as good a time as any to make her bold statement. "If I may, M'Lady, I do agree that for someone like yourself, it would be a shame for you to have to wear the same frock all day – not when there are so many things that are becoming on you."

"_Thank you_, O'Brien. That is very kind," she replied, looking indignantly over at Marie as Sarah carefully lifted the lilac dress over her head.

Once Sarah began to adjust Cora's hairpins, Marie watched them in silence for a while before asking, "Where is Lord Grantham today?"

Cora sighed and responded, "Ripon. He'll be back this evening."

A short discussion ensued between Cora and Marie regarding Lord Grantham's recent absence from the house. It wasn't the first conversation of this kind that the two of them had shared, for he seemed more and more distant as the days passed. As much as Sarah wished to have Cora for herself, she hated to see Cora's face fall at the mention of his recent indifference toward her. It was an obvious source of pain for Cora, and Sarah felt slightly embittered that Marie addressed it so blatantly.

"None of it matters in the end anyway," Cora said, trying and failing to fake her confidence in her husband. "Success in a marriage has nothing to do with being present at all times. It is about loyalty and looking after one another - caring for one another dutifully and enjoying the moments when you _can _be in their company."

Marie chuckled and replied sarcastically, "From the sound of that, you might as well just marry Miss O'Brien."

"Marie! You mustn't say such things!" Cora sputtered nervously. Sarah was taken aback by Cora's embarrassment at the suggestion. "How very inappropriate. I'm so sorry, O'Brien."

"You have no reason to apologize, M'Lady."

Rolling her eyes and laughing, Marie said, "That was obviously meant to be a joke."

"Will that be all, M'Lady?" Sarah had finished fixing her hair and thought it best to leave before she gave herself away.

"Yes, O'Brien, and thank you," Cora replied with a troubled look in her eyes.

Round one of charades seemed to have ended, and Sarah was thankful. She didn't know if she would be able to keep it going. As she did her sewing in the servants' hall that evening, she wondered at Cora's transparently uncomfortable reaction to their earlier shenanigans, and she grew worried. It had seemed promising, as if Cora was now being forced to think of her lady's maid in a new light. But what if Cora didn't appreciate such images and thoughts? It seemed more than possible. There was something else that had been bothering Sarah too – something she'd not yet brought up with Marie. As she watched Daisy and William laughing over at the piano, Sarah reminisced about her days as a younger woman. She now understood why it had been so difficult to feel anything around the men she knew. No, she'd never been destined to be like Daisy, with her adoring and naïve follower. Nor like Lady Mary, with her endless courtships and romantic preoccupations. If only. Things would have been so much easier for Sarah, if only.

Marie was more optimistic. When they met in her room later that night, she proclaimed her enthusiasm for what had transpired. It seemed, she said, that Cora felt something more than friendship for Sarah. Sarah was not as convinced, but agreed to go on with it for the time being. Sarah felt uneasy, however, because there had been something she'd wanted to ask Marie, but she wasn't sure how to phrase the question.

"Marie, there's something that worries me about this," Sarah said gravely.

"Yes?"

"Well, I've been thinking and…it feels selfish. I can't…make Cora happy, not in the way his Lordship does."

Marie waved her hand dismissively. "If you're talking about money and reputation and all of those silly things, none of it matters. I know my cousin well enough to know that she could get by with none of it. She wouldn't have to anyway…"

"That's not what I meant. There's something else."

"Oh?" Marie leaned in interestedly, adjusting her reading glasses on her nose and looking intently at Sarah.

Sarah felt her cheeks grow hot and her breath hitch in her throat. Her words came out in a near whisper. "I mean, well, we can't ever be _together _like that. Not in the way a husband and wife…"

"Do you mean physically?" Marie interrupted her matter-of-factly.

Sarah shifted in her seat, unused to hearing that kind of direct question. She had certainly_ thought_ about what she wanted to do with Cora, but she didn't know if it was just the impossible musings of her own imagination. She couldn't find the words to speak, so she nodded softly.

Marie shook her head, a ridiculous grin on her face. "Oh, Sarah, it looks like you haven't been doing your assignment…" She clucked in a mockingly disappointed way. "Haven't you started the books I gave you?"

"What? Yes, I have, but only two of them so far."

"Read the third one," Marie said in a low voice, with a devious look in her eyes. "You'll figure it out. There are pictures."

Sarah stared at her with wide eyes.

Marie leaned back all of the sudden, asking, "Dear Lord. You aren't a virgin, are you?"

"No, no. Of course not," Sarah replied hastily.

"Oh, good. I was worried there for a minute. I didn't think you were. There's no problem, Sarah. You can easily give a woman an orgasm without a man present."

"A what?" Sarah was perplexed. She felt vulnerable. She herself was usually the fount of knowledge in this house, and now the tables had been turned.

"Forgive me. I realize that's not a common term. You know the feeling, when you reach a physical climax during the act? The building and falling?"

Sarah shook her head, still unable to grasp what Marie was referring to.

Suddenly Marie went perfectly still, a concerned look on her face. "Oh my. You've never had one, have you? I thought surely…."

Sarah thought back to the times when men had "made love" to her. The kissing had been nice, she thought, but her memories were all of lying on her back with her skirts pushed up around her waist, feeling a dull, painful, thumping sensation between her thighs until she heard the familiar groan and it ended. That was all there was to it, wasn't there? She understood that some women enjoyed it, but she'd assumed her own dissatisfaction had been a result of her yearning for a different, more feminine kind of love. Sarah wished she were ready with some sort of sharp retort for Marie, wished she had an upper hand in this, but she didn't.

Marie grabbed Sarah and hugged her, muttering, "Oh, no wonder. No wonder. Not a single one in your entire life..."

Sarah's body was stiff and unfeeling. She was utterly confused.

Marie ushered her toward the door. "We'll continue this tomorrow. _You_ have some reading to do. If you have questions, I'll answer them later. Because there are always some things only experience can teach you, and believe me, I've got plenty of that!"


	4. Chapter 4

_This chapter is a bit of a crossover with The Bostonians, but it will still make sense if you haven't read/seen it. Enjoy! xoxo_

**Chapter 4: The Truth**

Cora lay on her side, staring at the dark wall. The giant bed beneath her heaved with Robert's steady snores. He was practically falling off the other end of the bed, something Cora had become used to over the past years. He rarely slept in her room anymore, and even when he did, they never slept in one another's arms. In the rare cases that he even remained in their room long enough to see her in the morning, he was already sitting up in that rigid, principled way of his. She did care for him, she thought, in all his ridiculous pomp and circumstance. She really did, but she had always known that she needed another kind of touch to be truly happy, and she had pushed it aside. When she had first sailed away from America, she had left behind something immeasurably precious, and she had begun her new life as Lady Grantham with a gaping hollowness inside of her. She had never forgiven herself.

As much as Cora enjoyed her visits with Marie, they brought back a rush of memories that Cora had worked so hard to contain for so many years. Here they were, bubbling up again, and she knew that they would remain at the surface long after Marie had departed for Africa. The main problem was not in the past, but in the present. It came to her every day in the morning, afternoon, and night – usually with a cup of warm tea and a pair of understanding blue-grey eyes. Marie could sense it, Cora knew, for Marie had relentlessly taunted her with it for several days now. All of the suggestive comments and jokes - didn't Marie know that it upset Cora? It was something far too delicate to be discussed aloud - something that Cora had tried to keep at arm's length for fear of losing the precariously proportioned life she had built for herself.

Marie was set to leave in two days, and Cora knew that she would only have one chance to ask her. Sarah had just finished dressing her for dinner and had gone back downstairs. Marie sat opposite Cora in an armchair, her expression full of expectation. How did her cousin always seem to know what she was going to say?

"How is she?" Cora asked in a small voice.

Marie answered quietly. "I thought you'd never ask."

Cora looked down at her hands, feeling her stomach turn. "I want to know, I do."

Marie sighed and threw her head back, looking up at the ceiling. "How is she? She's an old woman now, Cora."

"When did you last see her?"

"About five years ago."

"And how was she?"

"Do you want to know the real answer?" Marie asked, seeming slightly bothered.

"Of course I do," Cora persisted.

"She's doing just fine. Last time I saw her, she was living with a charming woman who was around her same age. From Philadelphia, I believe."

Cora was aware that it was entirely unreasonable to feel despondent at the thought of Olive moving on, but it was still jarring.

"Well, what did you expect?" Marie asked irritably, seeing Cora's surprised expression. "Did you think she was just going to sit there pining for you her entire life?"

Cora shook her head quickly, "_No_, that's not…"

"She nearly did," Marie interrupted her in a softened voice. "Why did you stop writing to her?"

Cora gasped. "How did you know about that?"

"I've told you. Just because _you _couldn't keep your promise didn't mean that I couldn't keep mine. I kept studying with her for years after you left. I am indebted to her for all she's taught me."

"But you didn't…she didn't…"

Marie exhaled in exasperation. "Of course we didn't, you knucklehead. But she did tell me quite a lot about how much she missed _you_. Christ, Cora! She was lonely. What did you think?"

"I thought that she…after Verena, it seemed as if she had been able to recover her momentum rather quickly, and I…she _had _said that she would be okay and that she was happy for me…"

"Verena was a fraud. It was just an infatuation," Marie stated resolutely. "You and I both know that she took advantage of Olive's hospitality. _You_ weren't Verena. You were you, and she _loved _you!"

"I loved her too!" Cora cried insistently, "but I couldn't keep responding to the letters. I couldn't." Cora slumped her shoulders and looked out the window at the trees swaying in the balmy wind. She felt cold and creaky, like a broken piece of furniture waiting to be thrown away.

"Why not?"

Cora drew in a shaky breath, trying to keep from crying. "Because I owe it to Robert, and to my children, and to Downton. I made a promise, Marie. I promised myself a long time ago that I would put that kind of behavior behind me. I try not to think about those things anymore, and I don't _want _to think about them anymore. They complicate everything, and it hurts." She was speaking slowly and determinedly, with small pauses between each word, in the way she did when she was upset.

Marie recognized Cora's familiar attempt at reasoning and ignored it. "Well, you'd better start thinking about those things again before you break yet another battered heart. I won't let you do it to someone else." She hung her head and clasped her hands together, leaning forward as if she were about to start praying. "Cora," she said almost inaudibly, "When you love someone, you need to do something about it. If you lose that person, you'll wish you hadn't been so dense for so long."

Cora rose and sat next to Marie on the arm of her chair, wrapping her arm around Marie's shoulders and whispering, "I am sorry. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been when Lowell died."

"I know. Thank you." Marie patted Cora's arm appreciatively, and they sat there in silence for a moment, each remembering.

"And what's happened to Richard? I was concerned when I read your letter," Cora asked timidly.

"We fought before I left, minutes before I boarded the ship," Marie replied moodily.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Cora said earnestly. "What about?"

Marie sighed. "Differences in our research methodologies."

Cora couldn't help it. She burst into a fit of giggles. "I'm sorry, Marie. That is the most…"

Marie also broke into a loud cackle in spite of herself. "Idiotic thing?"

Cora was laughing too hard to speak, so she simply nodded in response.

"I know," Marie eventually said with a twisted side-smile. "We've still been writing to one another, and he knows I'll be back at his doorstep in December. We're so senseless sometimes."

They laughed together a little longer until Marie looped her arm through Cora's and asked with faux seriousness, "Shall we go down to lunch now, M'Lady?"

Later that day, as Cora sat waiting for O'Brien to come up and draw her bath, there was a shift. All it took was one look at her bedside table, and Cora's self-control vanished. She pulled the key out from her trinket box and opened the little drawer for the first time in nearly twenty years. There it was, in all its untouched perfection: the box of letters and photographs telling the long-forgotten tale of her first love. With an unsteady hand, she lifted the portrait out of the box, and she was a young woman once again, traveling to Boston un-chaperoned for the first time.

Cora was barely nineteen - an uncontrollable rebel who had already managed (thanks to Marie's keen craftiness) to travel far and wide across the American Northeast unbeknownst to her family. This was their first rally for the women's movement, and it was on this night that Cora first saw her. Olive Chancellor was a mesmerizing speaker, and both Cora and Marie were bewitched in fascination, albeit for different reasons. Marie championed the cause and wanted to learn all that Olive could teach her. Cora was drawn in by Olive's devotion. Olive meant every word she spoke. Her whole heart was thrown into her beliefs, and Cora could not look away from that simple, ice-like stare containing the scorching fires so obviously burning within her. She had never seen such passion. Cora and Marie began to visit Olive in Boston as often as they could, oddly enough with official permission from the oblivious Levinson family. Then, one night, when she was alone with Olive in the parlor, the brazen young Cora had gone and kissed her.

Cora shuddered at the thought, for it was so unlike anything she would do now. But in that moment, Cora had kissed her and the older woman had kissed her back. The years that followed were Cora's happiest. Marie was Cora's faithful secret keeper. When the three had finished their official studies for the day, Cora and Olive retreated to Olive's bedroom, and the teaching continued. Cora learned to love her own mind and body without guilt, to be brave enough to try new things, and to give herself wholly to another.

The news from England had arrived unexpectedly. The next thing she knew, Cora was watching Olive's wearied and worn face grow smaller as her ship moved farther and farther away.

"Good afternoon, M'Lady."

Cora whipped around toward Sarah, hiding the photograph behind her back. "Good afternoon, O'Brien," she said quickly.

Sarah locked the door and stepped toward her. If she thought Cora's behavior odd, it did not show. "I'll just draw your bath and then I'll be back to assist you."

"Yes, very well," Cora nodded breathlessly.

Once Sarah was out of sight, Cora hastily placed the photograph back into the drawer and locked it, her heart beating wildly. When Sarah returned and began to remove her dress and corset, Cora tried to calm herself to no avail. Finally, Cora was allowing herself to think about it – Sarah's unwavering loyalty and adoration after all these years, the noble beauty of her stoic and unyielding face, the perfection of her husky voice, the mystery of what lay beneath those many layers of black clothing, and the way her feather-light touch moved on Cora's skin right in that moment. She closed her eyes and leaned into Sarah, now aware of the warmth emanating from the woman standing behind her. The reckless teenager that Cora had once been was suddenly reborn inside of her. It all came crashing down on her, and she gave in.

Cora reached behind her and grabbed Sarah's wrist, feeling the younger woman grow still. "Sarah," she said, still facing away from her.

There was no reply.

Cora turned and looked straight into Sarah's eyes, feeling her heart pounding and hearing an overwhelming buzzing in her ears. Without thinking about what she was doing, she grasped Sarah's face with both hands, pulled her in close, and kissed her on the mouth. Cora felt Sarah's tightly closed lips and jumped away, realizing that her kiss had gone unreciprocated. She backed away, alarmed at Sarah's shocked face. The gravity of what she had done immediately set in.

"I'm so sorry, O'Brien," Cora stammered, "I didn't mean…"

Before she could finish her sentence, Sarah grabbed Cora by the hips and pulled her in again, this time kissing her ravenously. Cora's head went spinning at the feeling of Sarah's soft lips on hers. She lost all control, kissing the other woman back more fiercely than she thought possible and opening her lips to Sarah's warm, exploring tongue. Cora held tightly onto Sarah's back, groaning at the contact of her nearly bare body against Sarah's more covered form and wrapping her legs around her lady's maid as Sarah roughly backed Cora against the edge of her vanity.

Sarah broke away for one moment to say in a raspy voice, "I wasn't expecting that, is all," before taking Cora in her arms again and enveloping her in another bout of frenzied kisses.

"Mama?" The spell was broken.

They froze, still holding one another. Cora cleared her throat and shouted over Sarah's shoulder in a surprisingly authoritative voice, "Who is it?"

"Mary. I wonder if I might talk with you for a minute."

Sarah slowly released her and moved away, retrieving Cora's dressing gown from the other side of the room and handing it to her. It pained Cora to see that even now, she was ever the dutiful servant.

"Yes, one moment," Cora replied. She pulled on her dressing gown. After Sarah had silently readjusted her hair and made sure that neither of them showed any sign of what had just happened, Cora opened the door.

"I was just about to go in for my bath. What is it that you wanted to discuss?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Cora watched Sarah shuffle out of the room, correctly sensing that she wouldn't be returning to attend to her that afternoon.


	5. Chapter 5

_And now we come to the very smutty chapter that gives this story its M rating. Consider yourself warned!_

**Chapter 5: Union**

Sarah scurried downstairs, scarcely able to breathe. She found her alone in the library. Marie had large, antiquated map books scattered around her on the table, some stacked so high that it was difficult to see her. She traced the page of one book with her index finger, leaning in closely to read. Hearing Sarah's entry, she glanced up and said cheerily,

"Well, hello!"

Sarah stood dumbfounded. On her way down, she hadn't thought about what to say.

"She just kissed me," Sarah said clumsily.

Marie responded with an unsurprised, sprightly little grin. "So why are you here and not there?"

Sarah hadn't thought of a reason for that either.

"I don't know. Lady Mary knocked, and we stopped, and I left."

"Right." Marie seemed slightly unresponsive, with less to say than she usually did.

There was a brief pause, and then Marie asked, "Is there something I can help you with?"

Sarah tried to gather her thoughts. "It's hard to…do things here. Not with her family and all these servants around."

Marie laughed lightly. "Such is the nature of an affair, darling. I've done my part. You two are going to have to learn to schedule your own appointments without my help."

Sarah looked down at her feet, feeling foolish for coming here. What was she thinking? She had just needed to get away, because the reality of what they had done seemed strange and dangerous in the cold, rigid confines of Downton.

"Tell you what," Marie offered. "I'll arrange things for you tonight, at least. After that, I'm afraid you're on your own!"

"What?" Sarah was mystified.

Marie rose from her chair and walked over to Sarah, whispering, "Lord Grantham has suddenly realized that he has to leave tonight. He has _urgent _business to attend to."

"No, he doesn't." Sarah was sure he didn't. What sort of nonsense was this?

"Yes, he does. You'll see." Marie winked. "It's _very _important - because his wife needs to be ravished by Sarah O'Brien, but he doesn't know that one detail."

Marie exited the room with a steady gait, as if it were the most innocent, normal conversation two people could have.

Shortly thereafter, as Sarah sat sewing in the servants' hall, she heard Mr. Carson tell Mrs. Hughes, in his usual booming voice,

"It seems that his Lordship will not be dining with the family this evening. He's received an urgent telephone call from his sister and must take the next train into London for the night."

"Why?" Mrs. Hughes asked curiously.

"He doesn't know, Mrs. Hughes. Lady Rosamund has said that she cannot tell him now."

"How strange," Mrs. Hughes mused. "I hope nothing's gone wrong."

Sarah smiled furtively down at her needle and thread, feeling the heat grow in her cheeks and her stomach stir in anticipation. Bleedin' hell, Marie was good. Sarah had always prided herself on her own skills of manipulation, but this made her own schemes look like child's play. It should have bothered her more that Lady Rosamund might be involved somehow, but Sarah couldn't bring herself to care at this point.

When Marie opened the door to her bedroom that night after supper, she stumbled upon the three books stacked neatly on the floor with a simple note attached, and she giggled to herself.

_Dear Marie,_

_I finished the books. Thank you._

_Sarah_

Cora returned to find Sarah waiting in her dimly lit bedroom, staring out the dark window at the rain sprinkling in the night.

"Sarah!" Cora exclaimed. "You're here."

"Course I am," Sarah replied, her voice shaking.

Cora locked the door behind her, but didn't move forward.

"My apologies, M'Lady. I didn't mean to leave you here like that earlier. I didn't know what to do." Sarah guiltily averted her eyes.

"Please call me Cora, Sarah. I think we're past formalities now. Marie helped me to ready myself for supper shortly after you left. She said that…" Cora noticed a sudden, determined flash in Sarah's eyes, and before she could continue speaking, Sarah declared,

"Cora, I love you. I love you the way men love women, and I'm not ashamed to say it now. You're all I ever think about, and, and…" Sarah's confident tone wavered for one moment before she continued, her defiant gaze fixed on her lady. "Every day, I want to tell you that you're so bloody beautiful it makes my eyes mist like…and you…you're…you're the kindest person I ever met, and you make everyone around you feel like they're worth something special. I dreamed for so long about kissing you, touching you the way I did today, and if…" Her voice broke, and she struggled to speak. "If you don't want me, I don't know what I'd…I'm scared, and that's why."

"Oh, Sarah," Cora said quietly, her eyes shining with unshed tears, "I love you too. I'm just sorry that I've taken so long to admit it to myself and to you. You've always been so good to me, and I have given nothing in return." She crossed the room quickly, taking one of Sarah's hands and kissing it gently. They stood opposite one another for a moment, the air humming around them, neither one knowing what to do next.

"Sarah," Cora asked her shyly, "Will you stay here with me? Tonight?"

Sarah couldn't speak. She nodded and tried to swallow the lump in her throat as Cora drew her in and kissed her softly and slowly. This kiss was different from earlier. Sarah shuddered at the deliberateness of Cora's lips and the feeling of Cora's hands lightly brushing up and down her arms.

"Cora," Sarah murmured against her lips.

"Yes?" Cora stopped, hoping she hadn't done something wrong.

"I've never been with another woman before. I know how, but I don't really _know_ what to do."

Cora couldn't help but smile at Sarah's nervousness. Sarah gazed up at her with a look of innocence and wonder that Cora had never suspected to see in her hardened lady's maid. She reached out to stroke Sarah's cheek, snaked her other arm around Sarah's waist, and replied in a darkened, lowered voice, "I'll show you."

Their kisses became longer and more intimate, each woman feeling a deep, heated need growing within them. Sarah allowed her hands to explore, running them across Cora's slim waist before tangling them in her lustrous hair and deftly pulling pins out one by one until it tumbled down around her shoulders. She kissed her lady's face and neck, lightly nipping her soft skin and inhaling her lovely floral scent. Cora shivered at the delightful feeling of her maid's caresses and allowed her own hands to roam hungrily over Sarah's body. When Cora's palms stopped and rested over the swell of Sarah's breasts, Sarah drew in a ragged breath, and Cora could feel her chest heave beneath her hands.

"Come to bed, Sarah," Cora whispered sensually, pulling her toward the bed like a magical sorceress. Sarah followed, hopelessly entranced by Cora's spell. What followed was a flurry of buttons and clasps and laces. Shoes, stockings, dresses, underskirts, and hairpins were thrown carelessly onto the floor, and Cora finally managed to let Sarah's hair loose. She admired the curls falling about Sarah's face, kissing her dark locks and eyeing the curve of her generous bosom spilling out of her corset.

"Oh Sarah," Cora marveled, staring intensely into her eyes, "You are just beautiful."

Sarah blushed scarlet and muttered, "You don't have to say that." Her pulse was racing and she didn't know what answer to give, because she didn't entirely believe it. No one had called her beautiful in her life. In her younger days, it was "not so bad" or "a pretty one," but not beautiful, and never the same as the raven-haired beauty sitting before her.

Sarah's reply would not do. Cora lifted her chin with her finger until their eyes met again, and repeated, "You _are_. You really are."

Sarah responded by swiftly pinning Cora beneath her and kissing her passionately, ridding her lady of her corset and chemise with unsurprising dexterity. Sarah ran her trembling hands over Cora's silky skin, drawing small mewls from her, still unable to believe that her lady was responding so enthusiastically to her touch. She gazed down into Cora's deep blue eyes and was enchanted to see her mistress' body quaking and flushed with desire. For the first time, Cora was truly hers, and Sarah was lost in bliss.

Cora eventually rolled Sarah onto her side, delicately removing her undergarments until they lay completely nude, kissing and holding one another beneath the bedcovers. They sighed at the feeling of warm curves meeting curves, and legs intertwined. It had been so long since Cora had known the softness of a woman's body against her own, and it felt like she was finally home again. Cora dropped light kisses across the supple flesh of Sarah's neck and arms. She gave her a peck on the lips before moving farther down her body, and began to elicit desperate whimpers from her maid's mouth as she ran her tongue and hands across Sarah's dusky nipples and smooth stomach.

"_Oh_," Sarah panted, more than a little taken aback by the effects of Cora's ministrations. She shuddered and held onto handfuls of Cora's hair for dear life. The next thing she knew, Cora's hands and then – oh, God – her _mouth _were stroking and caressing the throbbing flesh between Sarah's thighs. Her entire body began to shake uncontrollably, and she tried to bury her face in the pillow to stifle the sounds she found herself making.

It was only a matter of minutes before Sarah shattered over the edge, her loud sobs and moans muffled in the crook of Cora's neck while Cora moved her long fingers in and out of her. Sarah rocked helplessly against her lady's hands, her entire body overtaken by waves of indescribable, consuming pleasure.

After Sarah had descended from her peak, Cora felt traces of Sarah's wet tears on her shoulder. She pushed her maid's hair out of her face, kissing her nose and closed eyelids tenderly. "Are you okay, Sarah?" Cora had not expected such a strong reaction and prayed that she hadn't upset her in some way.

"I'm much more than okay, love," Sarah responded with a sniff and a quivering laugh.

Cora held her there in comfortable silence until they had both grown still. Cora would have been content to fall asleep in Sarah's arms right then and there, but Sarah knew that this was far from over. She suddenly positioned herself above her lady, giving her a languid kiss and remarking with a hoarse laugh,

"Unfortunately for you, I'm a fast learner."

Cora's eyebrows shot up in astonishment at the return of the usual scheming gleam in Sarah's eye. She smirked and replied playfully,

"I don't believe you, O'Brien."

Sarah suckled and bit lightly on Cora's neck and smaller, rosy breasts, delighted to hear her lady's shivering sighs. Cora groaned at the feeling of Sarah's slightly calloused hands ghosting over her skin. Sensing that Cora was ready, Sarah slowly drew her lady's lithe legs apart. Cora arched her back with desire, begging in a near whisper,

"_Oh_, Sarah, _must _you make me wait any longer?"

Sarah chuckled, and proceeded to show her lady that she was indeed a fast learner. And judging by the divine sound of Cora's unrestrained cries that followed, Sarah had no doubts that she'd done her reading correctly.

They lay together afterward for what seemed like hours, kissing and chatting and occasionally passing reminder "I love you"s back and forth. Sarah had never felt such intimacy with anyone, and the newness of it still frightened her. But with Cora by her side, she knew that she could carry on, no matter what came her way.

As they both started to fall asleep, Cora murmured drowsily, "So how was your first one?"

Sarah was too busy stroking the curve of Cora's hip and nuzzling the fragrant nape of Cora's neck to realize the significance of the question.

"My first what, love?"

"You _know_." She lazily stretched out her arms and legs. "Marie told me that you hadn't had one before."

It finally registered with Sarah. "She told you?" she asked icily. Marie had sworn Sarah's secrets would be safe, hadn't she?

"Please don't be angry, Sarah," Cora purred lovingly. "I was going to tell you when I first saw you tonight. All Marie told me today was that she'd arranged for us to spend our first night together here and that I'd better 'make it count' because you hadn't…"

Sarah couldn't find it in herself to feel upset with Marie. After all, she'd just been trying to help Sarah.

"Well, it was…really something. Really." She couldn't think of a better way to describe it. "I'm not angry, Cora. Your cousin's got a big gob, that's for certain. But she's got a bigger heart, I think."

_It may seem like it, but this story isn't done yet! Stay tuned! xoxo_


	6. Chapter 6

_I couldn't have predicted how much love my OC was going to get from you, the readers. Thus, as I predicted, I've come up with a new ending – an ending that I myself hadn't predicted. And so all my predictions went awry…like I predicted they would. ;-)_

**Chapter 6: The Adventure**

Sarah woke before the first light, painfully tearing herself from Cora's tender embrace and grumbling as she felt the cold chill of the room seep into her bones. She looked behind her at the celestial figure sleeping beside her. All Sarah wanted was to jump back in bed and wrap her arms around Cora so she could watch her long, spidery eyelashes flutter gently with each silvery sigh she took. Sarah wanted to be beside her lady when she awoke so she could kiss her soft, pink lips and tell her good morning in the warm sunlight.

Sarah knew that wasn't how real life worked. She knew she would have to be gone before anyone in the house awoke. She winced at the feeling of her stiff corset, her itchy dress, her rigid boots. How she craved to have them off again. Sarah neatly folded Cora's clothing on the edge of the bed and took one last longing glance at her lover before creeping downstairs quietly. She groaned as the warm water poured over her skin in the washroom, feeling her entire body ache. Years of holding a secret inside of her had caused agonizing tension. Now that it flew free, Sarah felt herself collapse in a slightly painful, slightly magnificent way.

Cora awoke to hear that Robert hadn't yet returned. She was not disappointed by this, but rather by her maid's indifference to her when she brought her this news along with breakfast. Not only had Sarah left Cora's room before dawn, but she greeted her with a detached smile, saying,

"Good morning, M'Lady. I trust you've slept well. His Lordship isn't returned from London yet. I've brought your breakfast."

"Sarah?" Cora asked tentatively. It felt like it had all been a dream.

Sarah quickly closed and locked the bedroom door before returning to Cora's bed and kneeling beside her. She clasped her lady's delicate hand in her own coarser ones. She kissed her lady lightly, reveling in the spark of energy that passed between their closed lips.

"Cora," she said in a shaking voice, "I can't show my real feelings to anyone here at Downton but you, and even then I have to do it carefully. It'll have to be our own secret to bear, m'love. And if you don't want to go through that, I understand. No one should have to hide their true selves every day."

"We can do this, dearest Sarah," Cora responded determinedly. "We _can _be together, even if it means keeping mum about the whole thing. I am willing to do this –to try this - if you are."

Cora took a walk that morning with Marie, hoping that the company of her cousin and the beauty of the blooming crocuses might take her mind off the woman she wished she could be holding. Cora and Marie walked arm-in-arm as usual, discussing the weather until they were out of earshot. As they passed the brook, it became clear that they could finally begin to talk.

"I wish you didn't have to leave tomorrow morning, Marie," Cora sulked. "I've so enjoyed your company."

"Yes, yes, I know." Marie rolled her eyes. "You'll miss me so much because I'm _just _a delight to have around. Now. Tell me about last night."

Cora blushed and looked at her shoes, trying not to make too much of a fuss. "Last night was wonderful."

"Aha!" Marie cried happily and turned toward Cora with a wide grin. "I'm pleased. That settles it. The old broad's staying here with you then." As she walked, she bounced up and down in an almost irksomely perky way.

"'Staying here with me then'?" Cora asked, confused. "Was she supposed to go somewhere?" Cora suddenly caught herself, adding, "And please don't call her an 'old broad,' Marie."

Marie laughed, and responded in concession, "My apologies, Lady Grantham. I promise to never again poke fun at your fair maiden."

Cora nodded in appreciation, but Marie continued, "Although...you _do _know that Miss O'Brien can say some very obscene things that would curl your hair and burn your ears off…don't you? She's got a sharp tongue. You'll see. Ah, the blindness of young love."

Cora hadn't known this. She didn't know how Marie could know this either, but she believed her for some inexplicable reason. Cora had always known that Sarah had strong opinions and scathing remarks just waiting to be said. Cora didn't mind. In fact, it excited her to think of what lay in store. Besides, she thought, Sarah still had much to learn about _her_. Gathering her thoughts once again, Cora asked,

"Was she supposed to go somewhere, Marie?"

Marie sighed, not wanting to discuss the matter. "Cora, I hate to admit it, but I almost stole your lady's maid right out from under your nose."

Cora turned to her in shock. "But you don't need a lady's maid! You said so yourself!"

"No, I don't need a lady's maid. I need a research assistant. In case you haven't noticed, your girlfriend is smart – really smart. I could use her help. None of it matters now, though."

Cora didn't know what to make of any of it. "Did she know about this?"

"Yes. I asked her, but I told her not to give me a response yet. Cora, she obviously wants to be with you. There is no issue here. I'll find myself someone else. Besides, Miss O'Brien doesn't know the first thing about anthropological research. I'm better off with someone who has some experience at least."

Cora hummed in response, bowing her head as they continued on their walk. Although she tried to seem content with Marie's answer, she could not shake the unsettled guilt that had suddenly dropped into her stomach.

When Sarah came in to dress Cora for dinner, Cora reluctantly stopped her before Sarah could plant a kiss on her lips. She laid her hands on her maid's shoulders and looked straight into her blue-grey eyes.

"Sarah," she asked in all seriousness. "Why didn't you tell me that Marie offered you a job?"

Sarah's eyes grew wide in response. "What did she tell you?"

"That you have the opportunity to be her research assistant."

A cold, angry look passed over Sarah's face – an expression Cora had not yet seen. She was in awe of the strength of Sarah's ire. "Stupid woman can't keep _one_ bloody secret!" Sarah groused through clenched teeth. "Cora," she said, calming down a bit, "she gave me the choice. It was enticing, but I didn't take it. Do you think I would ever leave you, especially now?"

"No, no!" Cora cried, throwing her arms around Sarah and hugging her closely. She breathed deeply, inhaling Sarah's calming, clean scent. "I just don't want you to give up an exciting chance because of me."

"Well, it's past that point now," Sarah grumbled. "I would never go. I'll never leave your side. You have to know that." She ran her hands over her lady's back, drawing soothing circles and resting her forehead against Cora's shoulder.

Marie suddenly barged into the room without knocking. Both women had come to expect this of her, so they simply glanced her way without breaking their embrace.

"Disgusting!" she cried mockingly, slamming the door shut behind her. "Two women being in love with one another - what kind of sick miscreant would ever encourage such behavior?"

They watched her in surprise, at first not realizing she was teasing.

"Oh, right. Me," she added with a playful smirk. "Now that I have your attention, I want to offer these to you." She handed two tickets to Cora, who accepted them bewilderedly. "The ship leaves for Tripoli tomorrow morning. I was keeping these for two ladies who really did want to run away on an adventure with me. However, upon hearing a very sad tale about two anonymous lovers who just cannot find the time to be together, they've offered to postpone their own getaway for you. Just think about it, will you? I need to know by tonight. And Miss O'Brien, my offer still stands."

Marie turned on her heels and marched straight out of Cora's bedroom, not waiting for a reply. She knew that one or both of them would come to her room before the day was through. She was right.

Lord Grantham was home by supper that evening. As he reported back to his family, Lady Rosamund had merely needed his assistance with some urgent, complicated paperwork relating to her will. He, of course, understood. It was important that a woman seek advice from the men in her family. He had no idea.

In the midst of the usual exchange of pleasantries and hidden offenses that graced every supper ritual at Downton, Marie announced loudly,

"Now is as good a time as any to tell you all that I'm stealing my cousin away for the next eight months or so. Cora's leaving with me tomorrow for Africa."

The room suddenly grew silent. Every jaw dropped, and some silverware dropped too. At first they laughed. They had thought it was a joke. Once they realized it wasn't, things became difficult. Sybil was thrilled. Edith was worried. Robert was angry. Marie was stubborn. Matthew was silent. The Dowager still refused to believe it was anything but a joke. Mary changed everything.

"I think you should go," she said, so quietly that almost no one heard her at first. "I think you should go!" she repeated in a raised voice.

The room became silent once again.

"Mama." She shook her head slowly. "I know that it's not...proper...I know all of that, but I don't care. Your children, we, are grown. Papa will miss you, I'm sure." She turned toward him with a sad smile. "But we will take care of him. Mama, I can see that you haven't been happy here in recent…years." Her face fell as she thought about it. "Believe it or not, I do notice things that happen outside of myself." She laughed lowly and solemnly. "I don't know why, but you've been… fading." Mary held everyone's rapt attention. "If you need an adventure, and if it will rejuvenate your spirit, take it. Take it and enjoy every minute of it. Think of us always, and promise you'll return to us in good health and happiness." There were tears shining in her eyes as she finished her statement. She quickly whipped her gaze over toward Marie. "Cousin Marie, you must care for her and make sure she is comfortable. You _must_ promise us."

Mary's words didn't end the night's arguments and discussions, but they had ultimately made the decision clear: Cora would be leaving the next day with Marie, and she would be taking her lady's maid with her. Nothing was going to stop them.

By the time Cora arrived in the servants' hall later that night, the downstairs staff had already found out tidbits of rumors through the prying eyes and ears of footmen. The room was abuzz with gossip, and the dining servants almost didn't notice the countess' arrival. They quickly stood up, but sat back down in confusion when she lightly tapped O'Brien on the shoulder and motioned for her to follow her outside.

The Countess of Grantham couldn't be bothered with social graces at the moment. She had some very exciting news to tell her beloved Sarah.

_The End! Hope you've enjoyed it! _

_This was my very first fic, so I will gladly write more about Corah (or maybe Cora and Sarah separately too). As long as someone is willing to read, I will be willing to write! _

_xoxo, Morgana_


	7. Chapter 7

_I couldn't help it. I had to add this little epilogue that's been on my mind for the past week. _

**Postlude**

"I'm off for a smoke," Sarah said, untangling her limbs from Cora's.

Cora groaned at the loss of contact and turned to lean her head on her hands as she watched her lover climb down from the bunk. Their small cabin was a mess, she thought to herself. It was a good thing that they would be arriving in Tripoli in three days, because the room was nearly uninhabitable. Cora had not complained once, because for the first time in a long time, she was happy.

She giggled at the sight of Sarah shuffling frustratedly around the room in search of her clothing.

"Oh shush, you," Sarah responded teasingly. "It's not funny! I can't find my own bloody shift anywhere…" She kicked some of her belongings around in search of it, but couldn't find it.

"Come here," Cora said, beckoning her lady's maid with a curled finger.

Sarah smirked at the sight of Cora trying to get her back into bed. She looked a mess as well, her tangled hair falling around her face and her chemise torn halfway off. Sarah gave in quickly, wanting nothing more than to kiss the soft skin of her lady's bare shoulder. She headed back over to the side of the bunk and stood on the tips of her toes to kiss Cora, but her lips met something else instead. Sarah opened her eyes to find her lady's pink silk dressing gown thrown over her face. She clawed at it until she could get the material off her head, swatting playfully at Cora for chucking the gown at her unexpectedly.

"You can wear that for now, dearest."

Sarah finally managed to catch Cora's lips in a brief kiss. "Thanks, love. I'll be back in a minute."

Sarah leaned over the railing, lazily inhaling the intermingling of saltwater and cigarette smoke that surrounded her. She liked the feeling of the cool air on her face and she loved watching the gentle sparkle of the Mediterranean Sea in the afternoon light. The world of Downton seemed so far away now, and for that she was thankful. This part of the ship was always quiet and empty. She'd never seen a single soul on the deck outside their room and was always comfortable coming out to have a smoke in her dressing gown – which is why she jumped a little when she heard that familiar, jovial cackle from behind her.

"Well, well. Look at you, Casanova!" Marie cried jokingly. "I see you've been keeping my cousin busy."

Sarah realized how very improper she looked, lounging in nothing but a silk dressing gown, cigarette in one hand. She hadn't bothered to do anything with her hair – it was barely held together by a thin ribbon.

"You might want to do something about that." Marie pointed to Sarah's chest, and Sarah realized in embarrassment that the top of her gown had come loose. Leaning only made it worse. She stood up straight and adjusted it, feeling herself blush.

"Sorry," she muttered.

Marie laughed again. "No need to apologize. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, but now you've got some work to do."

It finally registered with Sarah that Marie was holding a stack of books in her arms. "I know that you're going to be juggling nearly two jobs, but you can do it. I won't have a research assistant who doesn't understand the basics of the field, so here." She passed the books over to Sarah, who threw her cigarette butt into the ocean before taking them in her arms.

"You're kidding," Sarah said indignantly. "You want me to read all of this before we get there?"

"Yes!" Marie replied with a chipper tilt of her head and a bright grin. "It doesn't matter how you go about it. Just get it done. Read them out loud to your lady in your most _r__omantic_ voice for all I care. Just read them."

Marie saluted her and walked away briskly, leaving Sarah to lug the stack of books back to her room.

Sarah was reluctant to start reading them, but as soon as she did, she couldn't put them down. Hours into the night, as Sarah read voraciously by candlelight, Cora yawned and nestled her face into Sarah's neck, whispering,

"Sarah O'Brien, are you turning into a scholar?"

Sarah chuckled and kissed her lover's forehead.

"What's it to you if I am?"

... .

_The End – for real this time!_

_xoxo,_

_Morgana_


End file.
